Image macros that make you laugh, cry, or both.

Count Arioch the 28th · Sat Jul 23, 2011 11:20 am

Koumei wrote:I wonder, if I did mail you a funnelweb, do you think the two could breed, making some weird crossbreed spider?

Note: the funnelweb has no admirable traits you'd want to breed into a tarantula.

Like what PR said, they're angry and poisonous. Lady is just grumpy most of the time and doesn't want to be touched.

Spiders can cross-breed across species way more often than one would thing. It actually may be possible to cross-breed a funnel-web and a mexican red-knee (cross-breeding is somewhat likely across the mygalomorph infraorder), but it's considered very taboo to do so (the entire Avicularia genus is basically a clusterfuck thanks to crossbreeding. Although it was not malicious; spiders from that genus tend to look nearly identical).

That being said, Lady would probably think I was feeding her if I threw a male funnel web spider in there and eat him without a second thought.

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Sat Jul 23, 2011 8:50 pm

Count wrote:That being said, Lady would probably think I was feeding her if I threw a male funnel web spider in there and eat him without a second thought.

Isn't this the usual female spider reaction to male spiders in their territory?

also: do spiders go into heat or something like it? Or is it "seasonal, but nothing physiological happens, so it's not really heat"?

Count Arioch the 28th · Sun Jul 24, 2011 1:25 am

Not usually. A female will tolerate a male in her territory briefly if she is a sexually mature adult. If not, her first impulse is to take out the (usually smaller) male.

A mature female will continuously produce eggs as long as she is physically able to do so, but they won't be viable until fertilized. When a mature male and a mature female meet (the female will be away of a male nearby because they'll make a sperm web, and it can be picked up by females from far away). The male will deposit the sperm into the female's oviduct with his pedipalps (those little hand-looking things by the spider's mouth, not the mandibles), then scurry off. When the deed is done, the female will drive the male away with extreme force. The goal isn't to kill the male, but if she does kill him she'll eat him (it's not a 100% kill rate, a quick male will survive to breed again. Natural selection and all that).

When the eggs are laid next, they get fertilized on the way out and will hatch in a couple of weeks.

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Sun Jul 24, 2011 2:50 am

Male funnelwebs are extremely aggressive and deadly, so it's altogether possible he would win. They hate other things just for existing, and are also spider eaters.

Though I would be cheering for Lady.

Count Arioch the 28th · Sun Jul 24, 2011 3:18 am

Pssht. Funnel Webs are probably the least dangerous aussie venomous creature. They're not even the most poisonous spider in the world, and your neighbor Atrax robustus hasn't technically killed anyone for over 30 years.

It may be entirely possible that the funnel web would win, but keep in mind that B. smithi are freaking huge. And when properly motivated (i.e., there's something smaller than them in their cage and they want it dead), they can move faster than your neurons can fire. (Note that I'm not really willing to put my money where my mouth is on this one, a female B. smithi is worth more than most people's lives are to me. This one is about half the size of Lady.. Also note that I don't know where they got "handleable" or "slow moving" from, lady is grouchy, and moves fast when she sees something that she wants to die.)

EDIT: If anyone is in Brazil though and happens to catch one of these: youtube linky, I'm seriously looking for a female.

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Sun Jul 24, 2011 5:07 am

Yeah, the size advantage would make a huge difference. She could probably stomp a mudhole in it, never mind the whole "You can only kill by biting. You can't reach my actual body." thing.

And for a moment, when you said Brazil, I thought you were linking to that crazy banana spider, the deadliest spider in the world, that causes priapism.

As for the funnelweb killing nobody in 30 years: health care (antivenin even for poor people), and few bites (only found in the wasteland of Sydney, everyone clears them out with machineguns).

In the first world, spiders only kill people by suddenly appearing in cars, scaring/distracting them and causing accidents.

That's right. They don't poison you, the Spider Mafia just hopes you have an unfortunate accident.

Count Arioch the 28th · Sun Jul 24, 2011 11:43 am

Koumei wrote: And for a moment, when you said Brazil, I thought you were linking to that crazy banana spider, the deadliest spider in the world, that causes priapism.

Trust me, I don't have that issue. I'd rather have something that inhibits that function.

Blasted · Post by **Blasted** » Sun Jul 24, 2011 10:25 pm

Count Arioch the 28th wrote:Pssht. Funnel Webs are probably the least dangerous aussie venomous creature. They're not even the most poisonous spider in the world, and your neighbor Atrax robustus hasn't technically killed anyone for over 30 years.

Only due to the antivenene. Their problem is not the potency of their venom, but their aggressive nature. It's not fun being chased by a spider. Some of the snakes are much worse, though.

What do you think of redbacks? They're much easier to catch.

Cynic · Post by **Cynic** » Tue Jul 26, 2011 1:18 am

Count Arioch the 28th · Tue Jul 26, 2011 1:53 am

Blasted wrote:
Count Arioch the 28th wrote:Pssht. Funnel Webs are probably the least dangerous aussie venomous creature. They're not even the most poisonous spider in the world, and your neighbor Atrax robustus hasn't technically killed anyone for over 30 years.
Only due to the antivenene. Their problem is not the potency of their venom, but their aggressive nature. It's not fun being chased by a spider. Some of the snakes are much worse, though.

What do you think of redbacks? They're much easier to catch.

I'll grant you that being chased by a spider might not be fun. Is there laws against merely stomping on one?

Redbacks are alright, but we have Latrodectus spiders around here too. They just have less striking red coloring. Some of their cousins from Asia are absolutely stunning though.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c ... female.jpg

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c ... nikawa.jpg

Blasted · Post by **Blasted** » Tue Jul 26, 2011 1:58 am

No, common spiders are fair game as far as the law is concerned. Snakes are a different issue, though.

Psychic Robot · Post by **Psychic Robot** » Tue Jul 26, 2011 2:06 am

Count Arioch the 28th · Tue Jul 26, 2011 2:20 am

But yeah, I not only know people who collect spiders, I know people that collect scorpions, vipers, and all sorts of weird stuff. To me, poisonous means that you start shooting blood out of your nose, mouth, and asshole and die within 15 minutes, with no antivenin. I'm not saying getting bit by a funnel-web is fun, but it can't hold a candle to most snakes, and quite a few scorpions. (Incidentally, you can buy a a charming little fellow called a Deathstalker Scorpion for about $45. There's no antivenin avaialble in the USA. I'm... not sure why anyone buys/sells them)

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Tue Jul 26, 2011 5:01 am

Most venomous snakes are pretty low-risk: the venom travels through the lymph system, so by not moving (which for most snakes is a good way to avoid being bitten in the first place), you avoid the venom actually doing anything. Even moving, the time before you die is usually measured in hours.

The funnelweb is considered an hour, tops. Which is still nothing compared to, say, the cigarette coneshell (you have about enough time to smoke a cigarette), the blue-ringed octopus, the deathstalker scorpion, and a couple of jellyfish, but is still "faster than you'd like".

Redbacks aren't really dangerous, they look nice though. But yes, other countries have nicer looking spiders.

Blasted · Post by **Blasted** » Tue Jul 26, 2011 5:11 am

I have a marine aquarium and I'm constantly amazed at the number of shops that stock various venomous cone snails, without any idea of the danger. We don't have the same issue with blue-rings, but I have seen them become available via private purchase a few times. I've never seen a stone fish for sale, though. Palytoxin is a bigger issue. Many coral-related species have it and it's a bugger to get rid of them. I've known a couple of guys take a trip in an ambulance because they've not been careful.

Avoraciopoctules · Post by **Avoraciopoctules** » Tue Jul 26, 2011 5:21 am

Animated gif that always reminds me of one of my favorite MS-DOS games. The actual source is a rather depressing music video.

Psychic Robot · Post by **Psychic Robot** » Tue Jul 26, 2011 5:37 am

the source of the above .gif

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Tue Jul 26, 2011 11:50 am

That looks like Skeletor flying a Fighter Jet o.O

Wesley Street · Post by **Wesley Street** » Tue Jul 26, 2011 2:35 pm

Avoraciopoctules wrote:Animated gif that always reminds me of one of my favorite MS-DOS games.

Strike Commander?

Avoraciopoctules · Post by **Avoraciopoctules** » Tue Jul 26, 2011 9:50 pm

Raptor: Call of the Shadows. There was a 2010 rerelease on gog.com, but I haven't gone for it yet, don't know how it compares.
Here's a review of the game from the page I linked.

At a glance, Raptor may seem like a typical scrolling shooter. It has all the hallmarks, all the core mechanics. Yet Raptor has a feeling different from any other shooter that I've ever played, because Raptor is fundamentally about attrition.

You can buy various weapons in many scrolling shooters, but it's never been more integral (not even in Tyrian, which is far more forgiving than Raptor). The equipment for sale isn't just minor upgrades or small bonuses; each weapon system makes a major difference in your capabilities and is crucial to your survival. The health system is economy based - if you've kept up with weapon upgrades, you can usually afford to buy enough phase shields to guarantee that careful play with see you through the next stage. However, if you keep taking significant damage then you'll never be able to afford the next step in weaponry. If you can't upgrade your weapons semi-regularly, then your lack of offensive capabilities will slowly result in larger and larger repair bills as the surviving enemies zone you into increasingly damaging situations (and the level designers clearly understood the dynamics of controlling screen space). It's not the instant death, the quick kill, that is the real threat in Raptor; the real terror is the slow slide into an economic pit that will kill even the finest pilot.

Raptor adds a whole layer of risk-reward analysis on top of the traditional scrolling shooter skillset. Each kill means more cash, but going out of your way for kills can result in an even more expensive repair bill. Similarly, it may be better to take some extra hits immediately to avoid getting zoned into an even more damage situation a few seconds later. There is no (significant) regenerating health mechanic in this game, no ablative layer that allows you to take a few "free" risks. Nor are you so fragile that risks are impossible. Instead, Raptor strikes a superb balance that turns every move into a calculated risk - even when you only have fractions of a second in which to decide.

That's not to say that Raptor is brutally difficult, though you can certainly make it so by choice. There are three difficulty levels that significantly alter how unforgiving the game gets. The game is also separated into three "sectors" (each with nine levels) of increasingly difficulty, so starting on a later sector gives you far less time to build up equipment before being thrown into the shark-infested deep end. Starting with Bravo Sector on Rookie would be easy for anyone familiar with the genre, while I'd be surprised if anyone has won a game beginning with the Outer Reaches on Elite. Raptor scales well.

Most shooters are a blend of pattern recognition and memorization, plus the reflexes to respond accordingly. Raptor's economic imperatives take that a step deeper without sacrificing the basic good design of the genre. It's definitely worth the price of admission.

Avoraciopoctules · Post by **Avoraciopoctules** » Wed Jul 27, 2011 4:14 am

So, since someone was kind enough to link the source of my last image, I am a little curious if the same thing will happen here:

There is more crying than laughing on my end of things. Thanks, Akula.

Cynic · Post by **Cynic** » Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:02 am

A good number is probably photoshop, still funny though,

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:38 am

I just like the "Two cemetaries, no hospitals" like they're giving you fair warning.

Avoraciopoctules · Post by **Avoraciopoctules** » Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:29 am

EDIT: fixed link

Maj · Post by **Maj** » Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:34 am

There are two signs near where I used to live on a road that ends at a bluff. At the end of the road is the city landfill, and right before that is a cemetery.

The first sign (right before you get to the cemetery) says, "Landfill Ahead," and the other says "Dead End." I wish I had pictures.